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Dive Into America Community Forums • View topic - Anyone else feel like this?
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Anyone else feel like this?

Talk for repats about repatration shock, leaving the UK, etc.

Anyone else feel like this?

Postby Lumpy » Thu May 18, 2006 9:00 am

Have you ever had days during this immigration process, when you can't really remember why you're so anxious to go back?

It's a really beautiful day here today. Mick was smiling and happy when he went off to work. The kids were laughing and playing all the way to school. I guess I'm feeling "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". All of a sudden, I can't understand why I was in such a hurry to get this all done so quickly. I've never been happier in my adult life than I am right now. I'm so scared that by moving back, Mick's going to come to resent it (as we're moving back to care for my aging parents). It's a really rural area. I wonder how he'll cope with the solitude?

I don't really know what I'm expecting any of you to say. I don't know what I want to hear actually...:roll: I have discussed all of this with him, of course. He just tells me it'll be fine. He's never been wrong before, so I try not to worry so much.

I'm rambling. I'm sure most of you, at one time or another, had second thoughts, but things turned out well despite them. Right?? =/
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Postby LindsayM » Thu May 18, 2006 11:02 am

Yes, but then hubs reminds me that the only reason things seem so good is because we're moving back, without that I wouldn't be seeing the joy that's there.
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Postby Peach » Thu May 18, 2006 11:14 am

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Postby RichJ » Thu May 18, 2006 11:20 am

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Postby Lumpy » Thu May 18, 2006 12:56 pm

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Postby JenniferB » Thu May 18, 2006 1:28 pm

I must be the oddball, I really cannot wait to leave. Heck, been wanting to leave ever since I got here, LOL.
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Postby geally » Thu May 18, 2006 1:29 pm

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Postby Peanut » Thu May 18, 2006 6:36 pm

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Postby Sarah » Thu May 18, 2006 8:10 pm

Just weeks before our move I told Martin I didn't want to go! I was happy in my job for the first time ever, I loved the city where I worked, and a beautiful new block of flats was about to open for sale right in the middle of down town Lichfield. I would have given anything to live in the heart of Lichfield, just a block around the corner from where I worked at the time for the local government.

On the day I confessed that I didn't want to go anymore, it was sunny and beautiful, the flowers at the florist's were gorgeous and fragrant, I had a quality lunch from a local small sandwich shop, I didn't have to worry about transportation, and the house was finally looking in tip top shape. It was a perfect day and Martin was SHOCKED beyond belief (and mad because he didn't want to stay a moment longer than he had to!).

And then over the next few days the sudden second honeymoon wore off - none of the shops were open past 5, it was rainy, there was cat hair all over the floors that I couldn't catch with a duster, it was cold and miserable, and I was sick of our excessive lifestyle (we self-medicated by spending money).

Looking back on it now I'm so happy to have had that beautiful day. It was so perfect that I'd actually considered not leaving! I embraced everything I loved about England and it all came to me on one day. I have that day, and plenty of others just like it to remind myself that things actually weren't that bad and that I enjoyed my time in England. I wouldn't trade it for the world, just like I wouldn't trade my last (nearly) two years being here in Texas.

Enjoy your perfect days! You'll look back on them with fond memories. And don't worry about the future, there will be plenty of perfect days yet to come.
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Postby geally » Fri May 19, 2006 8:37 am

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Postby Liddy » Fri May 19, 2006 6:41 pm

I get the feeling that soon we'll be feeling the same way.

Today was my last day of work (yeah me!) and we'll soon begin our summer holiday prior to our July/Aug move (we know we're lucky), which will include a 2 week 'tour of Britain'. We'll see fave places and new places and I do hope that we (I) fall in love with the country again. I want the warm and fuzzy feeling for Britain that I had prior to the daily living of London crime and grime (and commuting) wearing me out. I know that it will be hard to leave, but I hope to leave with a feeling of appreciation and love for the country, and not a feeling of wanting to escape!

I hope that makes sense? I guess we are focused on the 'pull' factors, those things that are pulling us to the US (family, cost of living, etc) and we're hoping to forget about the 'push factors' (crime, cost, commuting, NHS complaints) and enjoy the country for what it is (a great place to visit, but a place that doesn't suit our daily living/long-term financial plan).
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Postby Peanut » Sun May 21, 2006 12:59 pm

Sarah and Liddy, you couldn't have said it better!
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Postby Liddy » Fri May 26, 2006 4:01 pm

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Postby Lumpy » Mon May 29, 2006 8:37 am

Thanks Liddy....I'm still not too sure about any of this. I think it has to do with being a military wife and moving all over hill and yonder. I thought when we settled here in Newcastle that that would be it. I'm tired of moving and the unknown. I've had enough adventure. Lol...makes me sound like a tired old woman, doesn't it? I like knowing my kids are covered medically here, and I like knowing they're in one of the best schools in the city. I like knowing that if Mick hates the job he has, there's always another around the corner. It won't be like that at all in the States, for us at least.

I've been having nightmares every night since Friday. But, even if we go for the Visa, that doesn't mean we have to use it. And maybe I'm just so afraid of him not getting it, that I'm psyching myself out....

I'm weird...I know it...But I'm comfortable with that! :D
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Postby Joanne » Mon May 29, 2006 9:52 am

Trust me even though most of the time I can't stand the UK, I'm actually freaking out at the impending move to the US. I loved California when I was there but I think all of the 'unknown' issues are really taking there toll. Hubby has a job to go to so that's a major 'unknown' that I don't have to worry about. I have a baby and I've moved so many times and right now I just want a place I can call home.
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Postby Sheril » Mon May 29, 2006 12:35 pm

I so went through that feeling (many times over) and I had already fled the USA back to my "beautiful Sussex" 8 years before....but in between that time the UK had *already* really changed and I truly began to hate it - although to be honest a lot of that is to do with the people- I think a lot of English people have severe communication & personality problems that they are unable to overcome due to how Brits live, work and are intertwined so closely - over here you can just isolate yourself a little more thanks to the car culture, more space, huge stores and people don't tend to be "in your face" all the time.

Anyway, I digress! For my medical I had to go to Edinburgh and we both totally fell in love with it and although we knew it would be prohibitively expensive to live there, we were upset we'd spent many unhappy years in the beautiful (but overcrowded & expensive South East) and that maybe we should re-think the whole move. However, my gut instinct was that the UK is only so beautiful if you have the funds, personality and general wherewithall to enjoy it. Eg; we didn't have a car, so were limited to trains/buses..........our salaries were simply not enough to buy us anything larger than a one bedroomed flat in the towns (when my dream is rural, tons of trees, grass, fields etc) and so on. But like you, I woke up and thought Sussex is just so beautiful in the spring and summer, my laundry was out on the line....we had money to enjoy it etc (but only because we'd been saving for a year and a half solid, Edinburgh was a mini-vacation (and horrendously expensive for 3 days) and we knew we'd be leaving soon.

Deep down in my gut, I just knew I'd have far more chance of achieving the rural lifestyle I craved and heck, might even get a job I like......I was really down on my local Gov job in the UK, being treated like an idiot one minute and yet carrying the workload of 4 people the next and with no chance for advancement either laterally or otherwise, thanks to the "face doesn't fit" policy and politics of civil service.

You all know now how it turned out....we couldn't be happier! His job came first (it came via an old friend from here, but if he wasn't capable of it, he couldn't sustain it), my job came a month later.......I almost didn't go because I felt it would be way too overwhelming for me.......here I am 3 mths later and finally we got our new house (rented, but it's such a step up from the tiny apartment we moved into to save up to come here), yes, we had to stay with in-laws for this long (but now I have a wonderful reason not to see them!)Yes, a lot of things fell into place for us, but I don't let people just say "oh you got lucky", because we planned, saved, prepared to be able to come and take advantage of any opportunities that might come our way and when they did, we went for them, so I won't have it that it's all luck, but I do think timing and your frame of mind count a lot.

What will not happen for people (and I am eternally surprised when they think it will) is think that all their problems will magically disappear when they leave somewhere they dislike......it's not that simple, but it really can help.

Finally, what helped me was knowing in the back of my mind that I could indeed always come back, BUT making the decision in my head that I absolutely had to make it work and would NEVER be coming back - that gave a finality to the decision and the drive to actually make America my choice and my home with no back-up....this strategy actually helped with the to-ing & fro-ing of where to settle for good. I believe too much choice can actually be a bad thing in life and a large part of why some anglo-american couples don't settle because you have the choice of many countries and it's SO hard to settle on one place! Other people like the security of knowing they can return, but that didn't work for me.

Hope the nightmares are better, that's definitely stressing you out more than it should * hugs*
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Postby JennyH » Mon May 29, 2006 1:27 pm

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Postby JennyH » Mon May 29, 2006 1:35 pm

[quote="Sheril"]I so went through that feeling (many times over) and I had already fled the USA back to my "beautiful Sussex" 8 years before....but in between that time the UK had *already* really changed and I truly began to hate it - although to be honest a lot of that is to do with the people- I think a lot of English people have severe communication & personality problems that they are unable to overcome due to how Brits live, work and are intertwined so closely - over here you can just isolate yourself a little more thanks to the car culture, more space, huge stores and people don't tend to be "in your face" all the time.

Anyway, I digress! For my medical I had to go to Edinburgh and we both totally fell in love with it and although we knew it would be prohibitively expensive to live there, we were upset we'd spent many unhappy years in the beautiful (but overcrowded & expensive South East) and that maybe we should re-think the whole move. However, my gut instinct was that the UK is only so beautiful if you have the funds, personality and general wherewithall to enjoy it. Eg]

Hey Sheril,

Great post!

What a good strategy of deciding that you were never going back so that you had to make it work over here. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that anglo-american couples don't settle b/c they have too much choice. My husband and I commented a long time ago that if the choice wasn't there, we would have had a normal relationship w/o all of these where to settle scenarios.

I also agree with your thoughts on people who think that problems will magically disappear when they move or change country. IT would be wonderful if there were a utopia out there, but the reality is that life's problems exist no matter where you go.

Congratulations on your new house, :) :) :)

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Postby Liddy » Thu Jun 01, 2006 2:07 pm

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Postby Sarah » Thu Jun 01, 2006 3:51 pm

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